This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
