I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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