i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
