highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
