Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
