I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
