kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
