Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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