so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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