your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Two words: blizzard sex
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
