I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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