Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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