How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
