my shit smells like andre
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
