she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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