she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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