I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
