I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
