is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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