Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
