she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
