dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
