What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
