high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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