I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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