And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
