Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
