Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
