I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
