I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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