Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
