Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
