My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
