I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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