If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
