I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
