4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
being pregnant is like rehab
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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