i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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