you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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