o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would fuck him just for his dog
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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