I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
