Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
