So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
