Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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