i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
