mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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