Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
