I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
