Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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