Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
