Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
