This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
