i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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