Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
