Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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