Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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