You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
